I've now been retired for a month. It's hard work this independence from work but I've already ticked several retirement projects off my list: downstairs decoration complete and Christmas cards and letters were sent on time - the first time for many years.
Keeping fit has been more of a challenge. After an initially good start problems piled up and I was losing heart, but then I was insired by Mrs May's amazing announcement about Blue Passports. The Blue Passports will be a sign that the country has returned to its former glory. I haven't yet managed to work out what this former glory is but if simply changing the colour of a passport cover can do it, then it should be easy for me to become a decent runner again.
And the best thing is - I won't actually have to be able to win races or run a mile in single digit minutes again; just like my old passport (I still have it) isn't blue. I can invent the definition of my former glory and implement some symbol that I've regained it. So my solution: ditch the smooth, shiny, high tech compression leggings that hold my legs up and the modern shoes with the shock absorbent soles that help prevent injury to my knees and hips and dig out my old kit. Once I'm dressed in the kit I wore when I actually won things and moved faster than a snail, that will be it. Former running glory regained.
Thanks Mrs May. I never realised it was so easy. You have really cheered me up. I'm now hoping that the organisers of the race I've entered next month will recognise my regained status and award me the prize.